At 4 years old Shane went to a local suburban hospital with a small pediatric unit to have a routine outpatient tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy (like millions of other 4 year olds). The surgeon came to the room and reported that the surgery went smoothly and Shane would be on his way soon from recovery.
Big sigh of relief, my son’s surgery went well! We are waiting for him to be brought back to the room from recovery when I begin to hear this strange deep gurgling sound coming progressively closer to the room. I jumped up and said that’s Shane! My parents looked at me like I was nuts.
I went to the door and sure enough it was Shane being carried by a nurse walking along side his gurney. He was having difficulty breathing. The nurse was rubbing his back and saying, “go ahead and cough it on up!”
“Cough what up? What on earth is wrong?,” I asked. I was told he just had a little something to cough up and he would be found. She laid him in the bed and went about checking his vitals. He was still heavily sedated and his eyes were closed. His breathing got progressively worse. He was struggling so hard for air. It had been over an hour and a half and he still was not waking up either.
I requested help for him. Several specialists came in. They said we needed to just give him more time. They did not want to have to intubate him because of the bleeding he would incur in the areas where he had just had surgery.
I was about to freak out AGAIN! I called our pediatrician. He called the surgeon and notified him. The surgeon made some calls and then called me.
Shane was life-flighted from the suburban hospital to Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital. I had to drive for over an hour in rush hour traffic from Collierville, Tennessee to Downtown Memphis. It was surreal watching the helicopter take off with my baby. I was driving my car and watching the helicopter fly overhead, over the trees and off into the distance until I could not see him anymore…
I can not describe the feeling of helplessness. Was he still alive up there? What were that doing to him up there? It was precisely at that moment that I began to change my way of thinking about my role as a mother…for both of my children.
I now understand that God has plans for them that do not fully include me. I can not save them from harm. I can only protect them to a certain point.
While stuck in rush hour gridlock and bowed my head and openly said, “God, thy will be done! How ever this ends I know it is your will. Help me to accept that which I can not understand Lord. Give me strength to accept your will.”
I finished this prayer. I then turned to see my mother looking at me in absolute horror. She was concerned that I was giving up on Shane or that I knew something more and wasn’t telling her.
Obviously, we deal with life’s challenges differently. I refused to try to validate my prayer…
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